Clicking “Refresh”

After dinner tonight I crashed.  After scraping the last bits of ketchup from dinner plates and wiping milk stains from the table, I sat down in our brown rocking chair and stared into space and looked at the clock that read 6:10 and determined that it was a fine time for bed.   There was spit-up on my clothes, dirt on my feet, and my throat was starting to hurt.  

 As I stared off into space I thought about the previous articles I had read online today about the government shutting down, and our legislators’ 10% approval rating;  and as I thought about these things, my “friends” cynical facebook comments flashed before my eyes.  My republican friends calling the liberals “idiots” and my democratic friends ranting about the tea-party scum bags and my humanitarian friends lambasting authority in general.  And I thought: what can I do about this?

In the midst of those tired thoughts and vacant stares Cohen called to me from his seat on the couch in front of the computer game he was playing.  “Mama,” he said, “It’s stuck.  The mouse won’t move the flower when I click on it.” 

I was so comfortable in that chair.  In the time it took for me to breath in, I realized I could easily ignore his question and continue to sit in the rocker. Because somewhere deep in the recesses of my brain (or spirit?) I thought finding the energy to answer his little question might be as enigmatic as answering my big question about what to do for a world that at times seems to have gone awry. 

But do you know what I did?  I got up off the chair and walked over to the computer and clicked the “refresh” button.  Maybe because my vacant stare was interrupted with a glimpse of Ellie chewing on puzzle pieces and the cynical voices in my head were quieted as I heard Jacob’s feet chasing Sophie upstairs.  I chose to get up and do something and listen even though I was tired. It was what I could do in the moment.

 God, let your kingdom come, and your will be done in my house, on my street, in my world– as it is in heaven.  Did I bring heaven a little closer by getting up from my chair?  I don’t know.  But I’m glad I got up.

But now it’ s 7 o’clock.  And time for bed.

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