Every time I write, I hear a thousand different voices. The voice of the cynic who asks why I should be posting about my story when leaders are dropping bombs and people need to be fed and justice needs to be found. The voice of the academic who chides that this line was overly sentimental and that line was too cliche. The voice of of the the parent, the childless, the conservative, the liberal, the married, the single, the rich and the poor, the old and the young. There is even the voice of my future-self, whispering “if you only knew what you’ll one day know…”
There are always voices. Not just for me when I write, but for all of us, all the time. To ignore them is narcissistic, and to cater to them is weak. What do we do with the voices?
For me, writing and sharing, if nothing else, is a process of chipping away at the ego, at the outer exterior whose facade says “thoughtful, intelligent, kind”– because most of the time there are no deep thoughts, most of the time I do not understand, and more often than not kindness does not come naturally. But so what? These traits– even though these characteristics are good– are the ego. The outside Self. The inside Self is not defined by depth of intellect or vocabulary, or even kindness and selflessness (or the amount of comma splices in this essay.) The inside me– and the inside you– is Loved and Enough. Plain and simple.
I believe we know the truth of “Loved and Enough” from infancy, but somewhere along the way, we forget. It is something we cannot help but know in the beginning, as we only are because we are sustained by another.
I think we must start with Loved and Enough if we are ever going to deal with the voices.
I typically see this assault of perspectives as a a paralyzing curse, but what if- in some holy way– it could be a blessing? What if we- in our fear that we are not Enough- are being crushed by the very gift that could bring Wholeness to the world? How is it that we have turned what could very-well a super-power into something de-habilitating? For the power to step outside of myself and see the world as you see it is the very force that will compel me to truly love you.
So I will write and I will share and I will live (and we all will live)- risking judgment from the voices, exposing our imperfections and ignorance, and trusting that ancient wisdom of “weakness becoming strength.” The story we celebrate this weekend– the Easter story- re-affirms this transformative power, telling us once and for all: Loved and Enough. And once we know Loved and Enough, we hear the voices for what they are– a chance to truly connect with the Other.
This weakness-turned-strength, little by little, without gusto or fanfare– is the force that will transform the world.